If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
