Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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