Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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