i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
