so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
