im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
