using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
