i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found the puke drawer
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
