I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We have started to decorate penises.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
