Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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