She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
