this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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