who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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