I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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