i need an iv and a liver transplant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
