hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
