Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
