I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
