ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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