So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize