ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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