3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
