I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
