yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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