they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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