This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
