I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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