Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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