So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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