i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
