Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
