And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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