I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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