I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
