he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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