i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
