I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
