I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
