You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
