I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
