u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my being single is dangerous.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ok first of all what the fuck
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
