Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
