Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
