Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
