it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
