oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
