yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
