well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
