38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
