clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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