its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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