So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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