I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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