I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
