i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize