I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
