remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
