So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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