On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
