Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?

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(513): View more from Ohio

why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

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(561): View more from Florida

Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

(561): View more from Florida

But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

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(772): View more from Florida

No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand

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(705): View more from Ontario

Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

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(714): View more from California

im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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(616): View more from Michigan

I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.

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(845): View more from New York

I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it

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