i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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