High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
