Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
