in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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