He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
