You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
