i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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