it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
