tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
