he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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