I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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